Hard Hearts, part 1

Have you ever been in a situation where somebody came to you with either scripture, or a statement from the writings of Ellen White with the sole purpose of trying to trap you and show you how wrong you were with this text of scripture or this quotation? What did you do? Often, persons are not looking for evidence because they have already made up their mind. If you give an answer, it seldom accomplishes anything.

Jesus dealt with this frequently, and most of the time He never gave an answer. However, there are a few times recorded in Scripture when He did. I am intrigued with the reasonings of men and how they were so sure they had the Lord trapped. “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’ ” Matthew 19:3. This question had been debated for a long time among Jewish leaders with a great difference of opinion. One school of thought taught that a man could divorce his wife instantly for anything he did not like, period. The other school of thought taught there ought to at least be some big reason before a man could divorce his wife. This was a popular debate question. Could you divorce your wife for any reason or could you not?

Because of your Hard Hearts

“And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female.’ ” That is singular, one man, and one woman. Could Adam divorce his wife? Not if he wanted to be married. Jesus continued, ” ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6. A human being is not to separate something which God has joined. The Jewish leaders thought they had Jesus trapped because they knew Deuteronomy 24. “They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.’ And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Matthew 19:7-9

Why were they allowed, under the old covenant, to divorce? Because of the hardness of their hearts. They were hard-hearted. No hard-hearted person is going to heaven. That is reality. If I am hard-hearted, something has to happen to my heart or I cannot go to heaven.

Why do people get divorced? Because they cannot get along. The same things that happen in our homes so that we cannot get along, happen in church. And sometimes groups of churches begin working together and then they cannot get along. Why is it? Is it because we are hard-hearted? When we go to heaven, we will not cross the street in the New Jerusalem to avoid meeting someone we could not get along with here in this earth.

We must gain victory, or we are not going to heaven, because there will be no hard-hearted people there. “The spirit that is cherished in the home is the spirit that will be manifested in the church.” Signs of the Times, July 1, 1892. Why can we not get along in church? Why can Historic Adventists not get along? Because we do not get along at home. When we know how to get along at home, we will know how to get along in the church.

We Must Be Cured

At a Bible training school on April 1, 1906, Ellen White said, “Oh how my heart trembles for us all. Unless the hard-heartedness is melted away by the grace of Christ we shall never know what heaven is. I am pained beyond measure when I see and feel the hard-hearted methods of dealing with the Lord’s heritage. I feel so ashamed in behalf of Christ as I see how little respect and reverence are shown toward the purchase of His blood.”

The Lord has promised, “Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.” Ezekiel 36:25-27. A heart of stone is a heart that is hard. The Lord says, “I’m going to take that heart out of you and I’m going to put another heart in you, a heart of flesh.”

Before we look at the cure, we have to understand what the problem is and how we get the problem. So I want to ask the question, why and how are we so hard-hearted? It has been a problem with the human race for thousands of years. They had the problem in Moses’ time. Jesus said, That’s why God allowed you to divorce your wives. It wasn’t because He wanted you to do it. In Malachi 2:16, the Lord says, “He hates divorce.” But He allowed them to do it because they were hard-hearted.

Early Training

One of the primary reasons we become hard-hearted is because that is the way we grew up. As parents we have a tremendous obligation toward our children so that they do not grow up hard-hearted. The Lords messenger says, “We must let Christ into our hearts and homes if we would walk in the light. Home should be made all that the name implies. It should be a little heaven upon the earth, a place where the affections are cultivated instead of being studiously repressed. Our happiness depends upon this cultivation of love, sympathy, and polite courtesy to one another.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886. Our happiness depends on the “cultivation of love, sympathy, and polite courtesy to one another.” Ibid.

Sympathy is entering into the feelings of another person. When my wife is happy, I am happy. If I discover that my wife is sad, I feel some sadness coming into my heart. “The reason why there are so many hard-hearted men and women in our world, is because true affection has been regarded as weakness, and has been discouraged and repressed.” Ibid. If you do not want your child to grow up hard-hearted, every day there should be expression of affection. Do not let the devil tell you there is anything weak about it or any reason that you should not do it. Your children should hear much more affection than they hear of reproof. Before you reprove one of your children ask yourself how many times you have expressed affection to them today. Be fearful to reprove if you have not expressed affection to them.

Affection can be expressed by actions. We need to acknowledge when others do something nice for us. Recently, my wife and I had a wedding anniversary. That day we were preparing to leave and were busy from early morning until late at night. We did not take any special time to ourselves. Something really nice happened. Our daughter had purchased gifts for both of us and we both deeply appreciated her expression of love.

Are members of your family doing nice things for each other and expressing affection? If not, your children may be growing up hard-hearted. What a tragedy. Ask the Lord to help you to never let another day go by without expressing affection to the people in your family several times a day. “The better part of the nature of those of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hard-hearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever. If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when he was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886

Children are tender in heart and they will stay tender in heart if we do not make them hard-hearted when they are growing up.

Good Friends

In the Bible is the example of a man who grew up tenderhearted, but as an adult he became hard-hearted. Solomon did not grow up in an ideal home. His father had killed Uriah the Hittite in order to marry his mother. After that time, David lost moral influence with his family, especially his children. He could not talk to his children about sin and tell them not to do it because they could immediately say, “Well, Dad, why did you do it?” There were a lot of things that he would have liked to have said and done which he could not. This is one of the reasons, if you are a parent, that it is so necessary to avoid sin. Young people, very quickly spot a double standard.

Solomon was tenderhearted when he first became the king of Israel but he became a hard-hearted tyrant. “He imperiled his soul’s interest by the formation of friendships with the Lord’s enemies. What carefulness should be exercised in the formation of friendship.” General Conference Bulletin, February 25, 1895. If you form friendships with people of this world who are unconverted, it will cause you to become hard in heart and it will destroy your very capacity for happiness. “What carefulness should be exercised in the formation of friendship. Companionship with the world will surely lower the standard of religious principle. Solomon’s heathen wives turned away his heart from God. His finer sensibilities were blunted.” Ibid.

Sensibility means you are sensitive to something. Enjoying music depends on sensitivity of the ears. Enjoying food depends on the sensitivity of the tongue. All pleasure depends on sensitivity and when you lose sensitivity, you lose the capacity for pleasure and happiness. That is one of the terrible things about sin and being hard-hearted. Solomon’s capacity for pleasure was decreased. Whenever you engage in sin, your capacity for pleasure and happiness is decreased. Not because God made some arbitrary decree. You are doing it yourself and you are hardening your heart and decreasing your capacity for happiness. When Solomon’s finer sensibilities were blunted he lost his sympathy for men and his love for God. The result was, “his conscience was seared and his rule became tyranny.” Ibid. We will become hard-hearted by forming friendships with worldly people.

Forgiving Each Other

The third way we become hard-hearted is because of our failure to forgive. Have you ever met somebody who is holding a grudge? Maybe somebody really did something bad or said something bad against them and maybe it was a long time ago, but they are still holding a grudge. Holding a grudge has a terrible effect on your heart.

“We must forgive those who trespass against us, if we would obtain pardon and grace when we approach the mercy-seat. Mercy and love must be cherished by all who would be followers of Jesus. When Peter asked, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus replied, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times: but, up to seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21, 22. He then enforced the duty of forgiveness, by the parable of the two debtors. [Matthew 18:23-35] One was forgiven a debt of ten thousand talents, and then refused to show mercy to his fellow-servant who owed him a hundred pence. The pardon granted to that hard-hearted servant was revoked, and he was delivered to the tormentors.” Review and Herald, December 26, 1882. If we do not have the spirit of forgiveness, we are hardening our hearts. The worse that is said or done to you, the more necessary it is for you to forgive. If you do not forgive, and you keep holding that in, your heart is going to get hard.

All Bible references are from the New King James Version.

To be continued next month…